Doki Doki Literature Club Review

No Seriously.  Play the game first.  It's free on Steam.

There's no reason not to play this game.  Do it.  Then come back.

Now, with that out of the way... onto the review.

Doki Doki Literature Club

Rating: Instant Fav

Themes/Genres:    Psychological Horror, Visual Novel, Depression

Main Characters:   Just Monika

Developer/Publisher/Writer: Team Salvato

Overview:

Welcome to the Literature Club! It's always been a dream of mine to make something special out of the things I love. Now that you're a club member, you can help me make that dream come true in this cute game!

Every day is full of chit-chat and fun activities with all of my adorable and unique club members:

Sayori, the youthful bundle of sunshine who values happiness the most;

Natsuki, the deceivingly cute girl who packs an assertive punch;

Yuri, the timid and mysterious one who finds comfort in the world of books;

...And, of course, Monika, the leader of the club! That's me!

I'm super excited for you to make friends with everyone and help the Literature Club become a more intimate place for all my members. But I can tell already that you're a sweetheart—will you promise to spend the most time with me?

Summary:

If you haven’t heard about this game yet… do you even Internet, bro?  For the past few weeks the internet, and horror fans especially, have been blowing up about this new super adorable-looking visual novel called ‘Doki Doki Literature Club’, DDLC, for short.  From the very cutesy visual novel-esque art style, featuring four S Tier waifus, and the bouncy, happy-go-lucky piano music constantly playing in the background, DDLC looks like your average dating sim trash VN.  (Not that I don’t play VNs, but don’t lie to me, you know most of them are trash and that’s why you play them)

Now, originally, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to review this because, frankly, just having it on a horror review blog gives away its actual genre.  But, again, if you’re on the internet right now, you’ve probably already heard this game has a twist.  It’s probably what led you to look into it in the first place.  It’s what drew me in, that’s for damn sure.  Deceptive horror is the best kind.  But, you can also only get so far with that deception considering, on top of everyone already talking about it, the ‘psychological horror’ tag is right there on the steam page.  Not to mention, the game literally starts out with a warning and disclaimer.

You already know something’s going down.

That said, just knowing its horror does not prepare you for the true intentions behind this conniving, brilliant game.  On top of all that, this felt like the perfect game to round the year out with, especially considering some changes I’ll be making to the blog starting next year.  Which I’ll talk about in another post.

But back to the game:

The first couple days of the VN start off pretty basic, as well.  You’ve got your girl next door, your tsundere, your overly shy bouncing boobs, and, of course, the star athlete, student president that everyone loves and adores.  You join end up joining an after school club, dragged along by your girl-next-door long-time best friend, selling your soul for promises of cupcakes.  You meet the rest of the girls, take a backseat to some shenanigans, and then go home to write a poem for your chosen waifu.  

This continues for a couple days.  Pick a girl, write her a poem, spend the club activity time with her, and eventually spend the weekend with her preparing for the festival.

This is actually hella clever.

Nothing out of the ordinary. A couple dark hints here and there but you just think, “oh, it’s going to cover some real life issues under the guise of a cute game.  Not bad,” and it compels you to play more.  Find out more.  Focus on one girl more.

But then the weekend comes around… and Sayori drops some heavy shit.

But even then, you’re still like “oh, okay, this game is getting a bit real but it’s still not bad.”  And you spend your weekend with your chosen girl.  More minor hints… and then a visit from Sayori.

That’s when it starts.

Something is clearly wrong.

And what did Monika say to her, exactly?

But the festival is coming up and you’re reading to get it over with and spend the entire day making sure Sayori knows she’s loved.  You’re going to make sure she stays out of her head and you’re going to help her through her depression from here on out.  Everything will be fine.

Then suddenlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy………

She’s not at school the next day.  Monika’s being extra creepy.  And that poem.

You need to go check up on her.  You should have waited.  After everything she told you, you should have waited for her that morning.  You left her hanging, after all.

And that’s where it all goes wrong.

You done fucked up…

And now you need to pay your revelution

Now is when the true brilliance of this game begins.  In a very ‘Eternal Darkness’-like way, DDLC and Team Salvato take full advantage of the fact that video games can do what no other platform can.  PC games, especially.  The game takes advantage of visual ‘glitches’, the ability to manipulate file directories, and completely messes with your basic video game habits, such as relying on save files.

Screens change, text glitches out, broken images fill an entire screen, entire character files are completely deleted from the game.  The fourth wall is so shattered and obliterated in this game it barely existed in the first place.  The best part, though, is that everything was right there in front of you the entire time.  Everything about the girls’ lives, and Monika’s awareness, was right there… in the poems.  In the dialogue.  In the background.

So subtle.  And yet, screaming so loud.

Then there are the subtle changes and differences between each play through.   Depending on how you write the poems, who you spend your time with, how you react to certain decisions… and even whether you’re recording or not, on top of just some straight up RNG moments (such as the warning when you start up the game.  In case anyone was wondering, I managed to get that one in a million “easily dismembered” warning.  Yay me), the game changes and alters ever-so-slightly… or sometimes really obviously.  Sometimes a face glitches out.  Sometimes a glitched out Sayori bow appears.  Sometimes Natsuki breaks her damn neck.  You just never know what’s going to happen!

But no matter what… you’re spending a weekend with a talking, subtly decaying corpse.  My favorite kind of weekends, personally. (Props to the subtle decay, by the way.)

My only minor complaint is that the game forces you into a Yuri-focused route the second time around.  Personally, I was into Yuri, anyway, and focused on her just naturally, but the fact that there’s no real option to focus on Natsuki (because she literally just breaks her own neck if you try) was a little disappointing.  You still get plenty of shenanigans involving Natsuki, but not nearly as many as Yuri.  But, I can’t imagine the amount of time and coding that already went into this game, especially since it’s FREE, so I’m not going to fault the developers much for that.  Especially since that’s literally my only complaint for this entire game.

Yuri: A.K.A. Crazy-Eyes bein' cute as shit

All in all, this game is amazing, fucking terrifying, and goddamn brilliantly constructed.  It is one of the most creative games I’ve seen since Undertale and I hope to god that Team Salvato make more and continue pushing gaming boundaries.  I have never closed a game faster from downright terror than I did several times during this one.  It really raised the bar for what horror games should be striving for and it’s going to be pretty hard to beat.

Have a nice weekend.

delete her

Quick Review - Spiders 3D

Quick Review - Spiders 3D (2013) 

Rating: Forgettable

Themes/Genres:    Sci-Fi/Horror, Spiders

Main Characters:   Jason, Rachel

Director/Writer/Publisher: Tibor Takács/Joseph Farruggia/Millennium Films

Summary:

After a Soviet space station crashes into a New York City subway tunnel, a species of venomous spiders is discovered, and soon they mutate to gigantic proportions and wreak havoc on the city.

Review:

You know you're in for an excessively in-your-face time as soon as you see the words '3D' in the title of a movie.  As soon as the 3D technology got popular everyone had to release or re-release something in EYE-POPPING THREEE-DEEE!!!  Even when it was vastly unnecessary and, honestly, usually made the movie worse rather than improving it, especially considering they usually focused way too heavily on making things pop out at you rather than... subtly taking advantage of the ability to do so.  Final Destination, Saw, and My Bloody Valentine are all prime examples of how to not do 3D movies.

That said, I actually have to commend Spiders 3D... for being one of those rare 3D movies that you can actually watch normally without rolling your eyes every other scene because shit's popping out at the screen pointlessly.  There are only a couple of really obvious scenes made for eye-popping but overall, it looks like a normal damn movie.  So kudos on that level, movie.  You get that brownie.

However.

There was still plenty wrong to make up for that.  It wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, of course, it wasn't infuriatingly bad, which is frankly surprising considering spiders were involved and the movie gets a lot wrong about them.  Right down to calling them insects (they're not, they're arachnids, not the same thing).

To steal a quote from my BF about it:

"My favorite part of the movie was when the male spiders laid the egg for their queen, so that their insectile forms could infect people by biting them with their many rows of teeth, which couldn't be killed by machine-guns and rocket-launchers but were easily susceptible to a forklift and a subway train.."

Basically a summation of everything wrong with the movie in a paragraph.  First off, males can't lay eggs?  That's not how biology for literally anything works.  In the movie it is a major (unnecessarily complicated) plot point that there's only one female egg and all the rest of the spiders are male.  That are infecting people by biting them.  And laying eggs in them.  The male spiders.

Which brings me to the next point... that's not how spiders work.  Spiders aren't bees or ants, they don't do the whole 'Queen' thing.  Spiders are solo creatures.  They don't do packs, they don't do queens, they barely even tolerate each other's' presences.  There are exceptions, of course, such as the cellar spider.  The reason they can get out of hand so quickly is because they're one of the few breeds that actually don't mind being around other spiders so they multiply and cover your basement in webs far quicker.  There are also a few (mostly tropical) species that live in actual communities, but it still isn't a queen-situation.  It's just a bunch of spiders agreeing not to eat each other.  Most of the time.

My point is, spiders aren't bees or ants.  Female spiders, while they do tend to rule the spider kingdom with their larger sizes and abilities to actually spin a web (males can't), don't really do the Queen thing.  They certainly don't rely on male spiders for anything, especially food.

Moving on, before this turns into an essay about spiders, the way the movie decides these giant spiders can be killed is super inconsistent.  One is killed by getting rammed into a pile of palettes with a forklift... while others are being shot repeatedly with machine guns and shrugging it off.  You can't do both, movie.  The giant Queen Spider literally ignores being shot several times with rocket launchers... but is ultimately killed by a train explosion.

That is legitimately the ugliest spider I've ever seen...

Main Character Plot Armor vs Main Villain Plot Armor.

Main Character Plot Armor holding strong in this movie.

So strong.

You know what wasn't very strong in this movie, though?  Main Human Villain forethought.  When they first discover the spiders (and are apparently working with the Russian scientists who created them?  That shit's never explained) whatever government power is in charge creates a drastically unnecessary amount of lies and ruses to cover up what's actually going on.  They start all this nonsense about a virus outbreak and start actively attacking the two main characters with the Queen egg instead of just.... going in and asking for it?  And quarantining their daughter?  Like there's an actual virus when BOTH of the main characters AND the scientists are fully aware there's no virus.

This guy right here?  This guy's an idiot.

They go so far out of their way to keep up this virus ruse that it actually just makes things worse.  If they had just asked for the eggs in the first place saying "hey, lemme have this shit inspected" they stage a car theft.  You're just making yourself look so much more suspicious and pissing the main characters off enough to thwart whatever evil plan you have that way.  Not that any of it really mattered in the end.  The Queen breaks free of the underground, walks down the street fucking some cars up, and then goes right back underground to be killed by a train.

Honestly, having the government agency be part of problem just created unnecessary conflict that the movie probably would have done better without.  The conflict should be the giant spiders, not some random military head who makes really stupidly pointless decisions that amount to nothing.  Frankly, the spiders barely even felt like the main conflict.  Even when the massive Queen Spider finally appears she just stabs the scientist, squishes the babysitter.... and goes back underground like "nah fuck this shit, I'm a spider, I like dark quiet places."

Also, there was some sort of alien DNA involved?  Also meant nothing in the long run.  What was the alien race?  Why did they crash in the mountains?  Where are they now?  Are they all dead?  Why were the spiders the best hosts for the DNA?  Why did they lay eggs when they bit people?  Why was the American military working with the Russian scientists?  Why did the spiders sound like guinea pigs half the time and compressed Godzillas the other half the time?  (spiders don't squeal or roar, by the way, movie.  They chitter at best)

WHO KNOWS?!

I sure as hell don't.

All-in-all... not a terrible movie... but I'm probably going to forget I even watched it in a few months. The spiders were kinda ugly, they missed a prime opportunity to show spider kitty paws, and there was actually really minimal destruction caused by the spiders, themselves.  They mostly just killed some subway rats, some homeless people, and some army guys.  In fact, the only ones who even destroyed any buildings were the army guys shooting a rocket at the spider... that missed.  And blew up a store, instead.  Good shot, guys.

Seriously, look at those tiny adorable little kitty paws.  Imagine if they were big enough to see.  Missed opportunity.<3 td="">

So, if you want a movie that just makes you question "but... why?" the entire time, give this one a watch.  (Seriously, my notes are full of that), otherwise... just go watch Eight-Legged Freaks... or Ice Spiders.  I don't actually remember most of Ice Spiders but I know the spiders were massive and a bunch of actual real breeds.  So that's a thing.  Anyway, that's my way longer than it was meant to be view on 'Spiders 3D'!

Halloween Decorations Ideas

Halloween Decorations

Last year for Halloween I made up a list of things to do for Halloween night, whether you’re spending it alone, with friends, or even planning a party.  This year, I figured I’d continue the list with some of my personal favorite decorations, perfect for whatever you’re planning to do this year!  Can’t have a perfect Halloween season without some proper spooky atmosphere in your home!  So if you’re looking for some horror-fan-approved decorations, look no further!

(I realize this list is coming out a bit late and may not be the most useful now but... ideas for next year, I guess?)

Bought Decorations

I’ll start off with some of my store-bought favorites, for when you’d rather spend more time decorating than making the decorations but still want a good-looking, questionably haunted home:

• In My Veins Blood Dispenser: Because who wants to use a boring old punch bowl when you can use an IV drip?!
• Fridge Door Cover: I mean, you keep severed heads in your fridge too…. Right?
• Spider Webs: A basic, but a necessity.  Don’t forget the giant, fluffy spiders!  You can find both at just about any store during the season, too. (I quite like the blood-splattered webs)
• Caution Tape: Wrap around your door, across the walls, and definitely around door frames!  Can also be found at a lot of places around the season.
• Fog Machine: Always a great touch for additional outside spookiness and easy to find at a local Walmart.  Fog machine and strobe light combo is too OP.

Homemade Decorations

Sometimes store-bought decorations just don’t quite do the trick (or are WAY too expensive) and you need, or want, to get a bit craftier with your decorations.  Sometimes it’s more fun to make your own, personal spooks.  Here are some of my favorites from around the internet:

• Candy Bowl Holder: When you need your candy bowl to match the rest of your décor!  This is a neat idea to both decorate and keep your candy in an easy to reach spot.
• Halloween Bouquet: These would look rad any time of year but they’re especially fitting for the Halloween season.
• Cardboard Tombstones: A bit of a bigger project to tackle, but looks like a lot of fun to make and a great alternative to the impersonal store-bought option

Of course, every good Halloween season needs fitting music so here are some of my favorite songs from my own Halloween Playlist.  A lot of these artists have a ton of damn good Halloween or Spook-themed music so I suggest taking a look through the rest of their works, as well, if you need more:

• Left Behind
• Painted Smile
• Dead Silence (Dubstep Remix)
• Welcome to Freddy’s
• Haunted
• Spooky Scary Skeletons (Remix)
• Pokemon Tower Remix
• Creepy Doll

Hope you found something useful and, as always, I wish you all a

Happy, Spooky Halloween!

Uzumaki Review

Uzumaki

Rating: Instant Fav

Themes/Genres:   Horror, Supernatural, Spirals

Main Characters:   Kirie Goshima, Shuichi Saito

Developer/Publisher/Writer/Artist/etc: Junji Ito; Big Comic Spirits/Viz Media

Overview:

There are horror ‘well knowns’ and there are horror ‘dear god never touch this genre again’, but then every once in a while, once every blue moon, we get the rare horror ‘holy shit give me more now’.  Japan has produced a lot of really great horror over the years and the most infamous horror artist among them… is Junji Ito.  His style is unique and disturbing and his storytelling is top tier.  If you’re ever on the hunt for the best of the best of horror manga, look no further than anything done by Junji Ito.  Anything he touches is guaranteed ultra-creepiness.  Imagine if he’d helped work on something equally notorious for its spooks in another genre… like say… a Silent Hill game.  *coughcough*FuckYouKonami*coughcough*.

But one of the most well-known pieces is the three-arc story of Uzumaki.  It’s most people’s first introduction to Junji Ito’s work, even when they don’t know the artist, most people recognize the artwork, and it’s one I’ve read several times over and absolutely adore.

One of the most widely recognized panels in the series

Summary:

Kurozuchou is a town cursed by the Spiral, manifesting in everything around it from the shape of the grass to whirlwinds to little whirlpools in streams.  While only Shuichi is able to notice because he goes to school in a different town and started noticing how abnormal his hometown was compared to others, the entire town is soon sucked into the curse.  Starting in small manifestations with odd behaviors, including Shuichi's own father, the town's curse quickly escalates until escape is impossible.

Characters:

Kirie and Shuichi are both decently likeable characters with relatively realistic reactions to all the strange events going on in their town.   There's a certain uniqueness to Ito characters that both captures basic human simplicity in a strange world, but also have a subtle strangeness, themselves.  Their very human reactions to the strange events around them drastically contrast the off-putting nature of the story and while the characters are believably every day in nature, they also have just that slight bit of off-ness that gives it a distinctly Ito-y feel to them.

Shuichi and Kirie: the main focuses of the story

Plot:

While the concept is entirely supernatural, the writing pulls you in enough that, instead of questioning the likelihood of the story actually happening, you instead focus on the events within the story and the character reactions.  While it's outlandish and unbelievable, it keeps the characters, themselves, grounded in enough reality to keep the focus on the story.  The human element is human enough that the supernatural element doesn't need to be questioned.  The story is masterfully paced in order to create the perfect amount of suspense and tension without making any of its more self-contained stories over-long.

Art Style:

Junji Ito has one of the most recognizably 'him' art styles in manga.  The monster designs are outrageously creepy and off putting while the human characters look relatively normal in comparison.  The art is detailed and expressive, each person looks unique, and the backgrounds are beautiful in the creepiest ways.  He obviously puts a lot of thought into the world around the characters and it shows up in every detail.  The imagery from Uzumaki is just mind-blowing and inspirational in its concepts.

A melted bulb in a lighthouse... that still emits a dangerous, swirling light

Ending:

In the weirdest way possible, it's both extremely unexpected… but also gives you the proper 'holy shit wtf' feeling that good horror should.  It ties up its ends but also has such an insane conclusion to it all that it leaves you plenty to think about.  It builds up and builds up and even though you’re fully expecting shit to go down, you can never guess what the answer actually is.  It’s a perfect ending with just the right kind of buildup to it.

Final Thoughts:

I fucking love this manga.  It's creepy, it's outlandish and unexpected, and it’s such a unique experience that deserves all the praise it gets.  Junji Ito is extremely well-known for his horror over in Japan and I can see exactly why, his work is brilliant and I'm glad I was able to read these books.  It makes me want to hunt down more of his work, for sure.  I’ve since tracked down a couple more of his mangas, Tomie and Mimi’s Ghost Stories and while I haven’t finished Ghost Stories yet, I loved Tomie as much as I loved Uzumaki.  Ito’s work is amazing and I adore everything I’ve seen from him so far.  I couldn’t recommend his work enough.

(Side Note: I highly suggest picking up the actual manga for Uzumaki, if you can, because the end of book additions are hilarious)

Quick Review - My Bloody Valentine (2009)

Quick Review - My Bloody Valentine (2009)

Rating: Meh

Themes/Genres:    Horror/Slasher, Revenge Kills

Main Characters:   Tom Hanniger, Sarah Palmer, Axel Palmer

Director/Writer/Publisher: Patrick Lussier, Todd Farmer/Zane Smith, Lionsgate

Summary:

Ten years after a horrifying event with a vengeful miner, Tom Hanniger returns home to sell his family’s mine and finally be done with the town.  Unfortunately for him, the events from ten years ago are starting back up again and he’s wrapped right up in the middle of it.  With a town angry at him for his decision to sell, a sheriff jealous of his previous fling with his now wife, and a pickaxe murderer on the loose, Monday’s a long ways away.

Review:

Honestly?  This movie’s just kind of dumb.  It’s not the dumbest, by far, there are some bad movies out there, but this one isn’t particularly great, either.  It raises a ton of questions without ever really answering any of them and the Valentine theme has so little to do with anything it just confuses you instead of adds to it.  I mean, sure, it all falls on Valentine’s Day, but that’s so irrelevant to what happens that the only way it’d make sense is if you looked up the original movie, a Canadian film from 1981 about a killer based on a folklore surrounding the holiday.  But then the bad-reboot roots start showing.

Gore-fest... really, how else do you start a horror movie?

But really, an accidental cave-in on Valentine’s Day?  That’s how you pick your theme?  The date is so utterly pointless it feels shoe-horned in for the sake of the title.  I have a world of problems with the title and theme, but I’ll just leave it at that.

I mean... really.

Right from the get-go you’ve got the obvious self-indulgent excessive blood and gore, which, frankly, I can’t fault that too much.  I’m a horror movie fan, blood and gore is part of why I’m here, but it is a little excessive in this movie.  On top of that, you’ve got a potential setup for a mysterious killer that just falls flat on its face when it’s revealed who it is within the first three minutes.

Then throughout the movie you have the annoyingly obvious 3D parts, a huge mistake for movies around the big 3D-boom.  The moments are so blatantly thrown in for the sake of the effect that it honestly ruins the movie if you watch it in anything but, which, let’s be real, is how most people probably saw it.  It looks cool in the theater with the big screen and the fancy glasses and the surround sound, but the second you pick that up on DVD and watch it at home all those “super terrifying” 3D moments just look ridiculous.  Luckily, it’s died down a lot since 2009 but let this movie and its silly “BY THE WAY, I WAS MADE FOR 3D” moments be a constant reminder of how NOT to do 3D movies.  Ever.  Unless you want it to be silly and immersion-ruining.

This is where you realize... you're watching a 3D movie... even when you're not

Finally, you get some sort of twist-ending half pay-off at the end that… I’ll be real, is one of my favorite twist endings for horror movies.  But it doesn’t feel worth it at all in this movie.  It’s a good twist, there’s actually semi-decent buildup around it, making you fully expect it to be the other guy… but because of the bullshit you have to slog through to get to it, it just doesn’t have the effect it probably should have.  It didn’t feel worth it.  It’s a good twist… in a sub-par movie.

It’s not a movie that makes me vehemently angry with how bad it is, as most do since I have no mercy for ‘so bad, it’s good’ movies, but it got a bit irritating at times.  It never even bothered explaining why any of it happened in the first place.  Why did the original killer start killing in the first place?  Why was he so hell-bent on coming back and continuing?  Who knows!  It’s never explained!  That’s probably what bothers me the most.  There’s so little that’s actually explained that needs to be that I’m just left confused and irritated.

Overall, not a great movie.  The obvious 3D moments are dumb, the questions pile up with no answer, and the twist doesn’t feel earned.  It could certainly have been worse, but it also could have been better.

The real reason to watch this movie, though: Jensen Ackles

Top 5 Zombie List

Top 5 Zombie-Related Media

Overview

July 16th marked a dark day for horror fans and especially those with a love of the zombies.  George A. Romero, the Godfather of the Dead, and the origin of the modern zombie and reason for them being the phenomena they are, died at the age of 77.  Romero set the gory stage for the zombie apocalypse and changed the game for independent films everywhere, horror wouldn't be what it is without Romero and the loss of his brilliant mind is a heavy one, indeed.  Therefore, in place of this month's usual review, I've decided to a do a list of my Top 5 Favorite Zombie-related media.  From movies, to games, to anime, zombies can be found in all forms so let's take a look at my personal favorites from each genre:

Keeping in mind, these are only things I've personally watched/played/read at this current time.  There's still a lot out there that I haven't gotten to so this list will probably change over time.

List (ordered by genre)

1. Live Action Movie: Land of the Dead
• Fourth in Romero's series of six 'Living Dead' movies, Land of the Dead focuses on the creation and holding of a class system in the middle of the apocalypse.  While the zombies around them adapt and learn, the living and breathing are thrown back into an archaic system of "protect the monarchy, let the peasants die", creating animosity and growing rebellions from the general populace.  But it all soon comes crashing down when the undead break into the sanctuary, leaving all in their path equally devoured in the brutal, bloody ways only Romero can achieve.

Big Daddy and Gang emerging from the river to fuck your day up

1. Animated Movie: Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island
• Despite the shit they're pumping out nowadays, Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island was one of the best direct-to-video movies to grace the series, it was also the first.  Reunited after a year-long hiatus, The Mystery Gang meet up on a remote island said to be haunted by that of pirate named Morgan Moonscar.  However, as they work to uncover the mystery, they find that, for the first time ever, they're faced with real monsters (zombies!) and an unexpected villain.  With as silly and campy as Scooby-Doo has always been, Zombie Island was a nice change of pace that still kept the characters recognizably themselves, despite how different the situation was.

The Late 90's: When Scooby-Doo gave you nightmares

1. Anime: School-Live!
• [Spoiler] - If you haven't watched this yet, just watch it.  If you have... you know why this is here.

...

1. Manga: I Am A Hero
• Hideo Suzuki is a middle-aged mangaka struggling to balance his return to the manga limelight with a new series, a relationship, and his mental delusions when an outbreak spreads across the country.  Suddenly, everything he was struggling to deal with becomes irrelevant as his new need to survive takes over, making him more of a hero of his own story than he ever thought he could actually be.  It's a uniquely wild ride of a manga that only gets better (read: more insane) the further in you get.

Total Dweeb Turns Hero in Not-So-Local Manga

1. Video Game: CarnEvil
• A late 90's rail-shooter arcade game, CarnEvil takes already terrifying carnival clowns and makes them a million times more horrifying by zombifying them.  The only thing more terrifying than the game, itself, is the Game Over screen after your face gets bitten off by whatever horrifying creature you failed to kill in time.  Because who doesn't love a long-fanged, bodiless jester laughing at your failure, right?  This game scared the shit out of me for the short period of time it was at my local Bowling Alley and it'll always hold a special place in my zombie-loving heart.

Because 'Fuck You', that's Why

Final Note: Seeing as this is replacing the review I was planning to do this month, I'd like to give a brief addition for the content I originally planned: Ghost Stories.  Some of you may be familiar with it, but most who are will only know it for its English Dub (i.e. the Canon Abridged Series), but I intended to review the original Japanese subbed version for an explanation as to why the English Dub is so notorious.  However... after watching it, I only have this to say:

             

The Gallows Review

The Gallows

Rating: Forgettable

Themes/Genres:    Thriller/Horror; Supernatural, Vengeful Spirit/Theater Ghost

Main Characters:   Ryan, Pfeifer, Reese, Cassidy, Charlie

Publisher/Director: Blumhouse; Chris Loffing/Travis Cluff

Overview:

Hype can be a dangerous thing sometimes.  More often than not, in fact, too much hype kills entertainment rather than helps it.  Sure, it gets that initial burst of sales, but as soon as people experience it, with a bar set way too high by imaginations and expectations running wild, it ends up falling flat.  There’s a rare occasion of it being exactly what people had hoped, and there’s even one or two cases of it turning out even better… but ‘The Gallows’ is not one of those cases.

Before its release, ‘The Gallows’ caught attention with trailers that showed very little and a marketing campaign that ended up going viral.  It had a ‘Cloverfield’ effect where, there was so little shown and so much was left to the imagination, that audiences were left wondering and trying to dig into it as much as possible, creating mystery-hype.  Leading up to the release, it was a huge deal…. But then it came out… and immediately dropped off the map.  It was never mentioned again and, I admit, I completely forgot it even existed until it popped up in the ‘cheap movies’ section at Walmart.

Part of the marketing was to draw back to popular 80's horrors, insinuating it would be another major horror star

So let’s find out how, even with viral trailers that were grabbing the internet by the balls, ‘The Gallows’ fell so hard off the map and out of everyone’s memories so quickly after release.

Summary:

The movie begins with high school stage play in 1993, which ends up going horribly wrong when the lead actor dies in a prop-gallow-related accident.  Years later, in 2013, the high school decides to try and resurrect the play, headed by actress Pfeifer.  However, when the easily-swayed and unsure male lead gets talked into breaking into the school at night with his two friends to sabotage the play, hoping to keep the play from happening at all, and running into their leading actress in the process, they soon find themselves trapped in the school and at the mercy of the ghost of the theater.

Plot:

• Coincidence-ridden, most of which lessen the effect of the story rather than help and are ultimately unnecessary
• Predictable, very basic 'vengeful ghost' story
• Dicks around too much in the beginning
• Doesn't explore backstory that it should have, could have benefited from more moments involving Reese's father
• The only good twist, in a story ridden with cliche 'what a twist!' moments, was the revelation about Pfeifer's involvement
• The final scene involving the police raid of the house was just drastically unnecessary

Once the story actually gets started, it stays relatively on-track with the basic story, but the beginning could honestly be cut out entirely and probably make for a better experience.  However, the story, itself, is just a bit too basic and way too predictable to make any sort of impact whatsoever.  Person dies in an accident, ghost is out for revenge, douchebag characters die, one girl lives.  The concept of a theater ghost, especially, is nothing new and the movie, itself, explores no new concepts or ideas, whatsoever.  The plot is full of horror movie tropes, the jump-scares are extremely predictable, the similarities between the past and present play are groan-worthy, and it all adds up to a really boring experience. 

The ending scene... that you could see coming from a mile away.  Obvious setup was obvious

Characters:

• They're all douchebags
• Almost every single character is an unrealistic stereotype of some kind
• Reese is the only even remotely likable character by even he's way too easily swayed to do stupid shit by shitty friends (the true horror of this movie: peer pressure)
• There was a whole lot of "I'm acting!" (i.e. really bad acting)
• Dialogue is clunky and extremely unnatural most of the time, Ryan and Cassidy are amazingly stupid, even for teenagers

Here we see King Douchebag, douching it up and just asking to get killed by Theater Ghost

Seriously, the characters are so unbelievably stupid or such unrealistic jackasses throughout the movie you’re just waiting for them to get killed off already.  Instead of feeling horror, like you’re supposed to in a horror movie, you just feel relief when they die.  The entire first section of the movie, instead of building up the backstory and subtly hinting at what’s to come, just spends way too long showing you how much of a dick Ryan is and wishing Reese would just get better friends.  You feel no connection to the characters whatsoever and thus, their struggle, panic, and anxieties get no emotional response from the viewer because you honestly just don’t care what happens to them.

Visuals/Cinematography:

• 'Found-footage' style really worked against it rather than for it
• Certain moments of non-chronological order editing just comes out weird
• Does at least show most of the action when it finally happens, instead of leaving you staring at a black screen or everything happening off-screen

An attention-drawing scene for a trailer... but was way too 'Blair Witch Project' in the movie, including annoying up-the-nose camera angles and one of the most 'I'm acting!' moments in the entire movie

There isn’t a whole lot you can say about found-footage movies when it comes to visuals.  Normally I love them and I feel like they’re just a fun way to shoot horror movies, but this is one of those cases where even I have to say, it would have been better as a normal movie rather than found footage.  On the one hand, it doesn’t leave you with several minutes of pure black screen like the original ‘Blair Witch Project’ and it doesn’t leave the best action entirely and unnecessarily off-screen like the ‘Paranormal Activity’ movies love doing, you get all the action, even if the editing comes off a bit weird.  But on the other hand, there was so much there that just wouldn’t have been filmed, even by an incredibly stupid teen, that it just feels unnatural to be in the found footage style.  A normal cinematic-style filming would have been much better in this case.

Final Thoughts:

While this movie was, overall, incredibly boring and I can see now why it was so quickly forgotten upon release, there is one thing that I would like to mention: the actual tactics behind filming the movie.  For those that simply saw it in theaters or bought the DVD and never really explored the Special Features section, there’s a commentary about the filming of the movie from the Directors, as there always is, but this particular one held a unique bit of information that, despite the movie, on its own, not panning out to much, there was an impressive amount of effort put in behind the scenes.

The directors went to great lengths to get as authentic a reaction as possible out of both their audiences and their actors, even going so far as to film on an actually haunted location and plan out certain scenes in a way that would get real scares from everyone on set.  Some of the best acting in the movie wasn’t acting at all, they legitimately scared the crap out of their actors, and they went to a lot of trouble to do it.   It’s effort that I have to commend, even if the movie can’t stand on its own, knowing what they went through to film it gives it its own credibility.

Ultimately, it’s not a terrible movie, but watching it, on its own, without knowing anything about the filming, it’s boring, it’s clichéd, and it’s forgettable.  But I’ve certainly seen worse.  Is it worth picking up?  Maybe for a couple bucks, just to watch the Special Features, but nothing I’d plan for an actual spooky-filled evening.  It’s not going on anyone’s Halloween Night movie list, that’s for sure.