2018 Update

Update Time

Hey, all.

So, 2017 is gone and done with.  Thank the Gods.  Which means it's time for the annual "look back on the year and contemplate life itself."  For the most part... 2017 sucked.  Like, wow, stop trying to compete with vacuums, 2017, you won.  2017 was a literal black hole for give-a-fucks.

That said, despite being god-awful on a grand scale, I somehow managed to have one of the most productive, informative years of my life in 2017.  I started and completed many a-project and achieved a lot of goals I set at the beginning of the year.  Somehow.

One of those goals was to get serious about this here review blog.  I wanted to have at least one review/post every month on some sort of consistent schedule.  I got... real close.  I was only one post off.  February was a dead month.  For everything.  I don't know why.  It was just a month of "I don't give a shit", apparently.  That said, I didn't actually start setting goals until March, anyway.  I was planning to make up for it in October, being the month for horror and all, but I ended up buried in a ton of other projects and didn't have time for a second post.

But I managed 11/12.

That's still pretty damn good, if I do say so myself, and I do.  I set a goal, I worked towards it, I (mostly) achieved it, and I'm proud of what I did manage.  All in all, not too shabby, especially for someone who has a hard time sticking to literally anything.  I'm good at starting projects.  I'm awful at finishing them.  But 2017 was a surprising turn-around and I intend to push that even further in 2018.  I'm gonna take the 'barely managing' struggling momentum from 2017 (because quite frankly, it was a slog) and spring it forward into 2018.

2018 is gonna be better.  It has to be.

It's gonna be different.

Which brings me to my next point: this blog and it's future.

2017 was a lot of test projects.  Seeing if I can stick to something through the end of the year, see if I liked doing certain things, see what all I could finish in a month, see if Trello was better than Splendo (btw I use them both for different things).  There was a lot of testing the waters in last year's goals and, naturally, I learned quite a bit from it and will be taking these tests and applying the info from them to rewire my goals for 2018.

For example, and this should sound familiar to many people, I am god awful at sticking to a workout.  Especially a vague, generalized one.  Not only did I not achieve the general weightloss goal of getting my ideal 32in. stomach(lol), but I almost never reached the end of the month goal for 19 hours of vague workout.  It just didn't matter enough to me.  So this year, I'm focusing it down into a very specific goal... of 50 push-ups by the end of the year.  And that's it.  I realized last year's plan didn't work (at all) and I'm reworking it.

To that same degree, while I did manage to mostly achieve my review goal... it was agonizing.  I didn't really have fun with any of the reviews I wrote, it was always posted at the end of the month because I always put it off until the last minute, and I honestly hated every moment of writing the review.  The most fun I had was with the DDLC review because I knew it was the last one and I filled it with references and finally just let myself have fun with it.

Here was the problem: I held my reviews up to these legitimately unrealistical (read: unfun) high standards that I, a shit-talking, sarcastic, casual asshole, couldn't really attain or even associate with.  I thought, if I'm gonna be writing reviews, I need to make them... well, basically an English Essay.  Because, you know, those are so much fun.  I couldn't really just let myself have fun with the review because I put too much weight on it.  But I set the goal and I wanted to see it through to the end.  As annoying and stressful as it was.

But, by the end of the year, I think I've come to realize that I am not really a reviewer.  I can commentate, sure, I'd probably be hilarious on a podcast or something like that, but for well-thought-out, written reviews?  Nah, bruh.  Shit's boring.  The important thing, however, is that I stuck to it and learned something from it.  I know for definite sure that I am not a reviewer, opinionated as I may be, and I can move on.  Which I intend to do.

I have a lot of other projects lined up, and I've realized what is important to me and what isn't, and I'm gonna be moving into 2018 with a better idea of what I'd like to accomplish.  The main thing, which may be a surprise to literally no one, is my writing.  I'm not a reviewer of stories, I am a teller of stories.  So I'm going to be heavily shifting my focus to TELLING my own stories.

That said, I plan to leave the blog up because, while it won't be on any goal list ever again, I do still have a passion for horror and I am forever opinionated.  So if I come across something of particular note that I've got an essay's worth of opinions about, (and some free time) you may see another post or two pop up here and there.  (Well, if the internet continues to exist, anyway.  All of this is completely pointless if Net Neutrality goes out the window.  Call your senators, ya'll.)

But.  I think that about sums it all up.

Tl;dr - it wasn't fun while it lasted, but I got those goals, yo.  Time to move on to bigger and better things.

Little Horror Blogger,

Out.

Doki Doki Literature Club Review

No Seriously.  Play the game first.  It's free on Steam.

There's no reason not to play this game.  Do it.  Then come back.

Now, with that out of the way... onto the review.

Doki Doki Literature Club

Rating: Instant Fav

Themes/Genres:    Psychological Horror, Visual Novel, Depression

Main Characters:   Just Monika

Developer/Publisher/Writer: Team Salvato

Overview:

Welcome to the Literature Club! It's always been a dream of mine to make something special out of the things I love. Now that you're a club member, you can help me make that dream come true in this cute game!

Every day is full of chit-chat and fun activities with all of my adorable and unique club members:

Sayori, the youthful bundle of sunshine who values happiness the most;

Natsuki, the deceivingly cute girl who packs an assertive punch;

Yuri, the timid and mysterious one who finds comfort in the world of books;

...And, of course, Monika, the leader of the club! That's me!

I'm super excited for you to make friends with everyone and help the Literature Club become a more intimate place for all my members. But I can tell already that you're a sweetheart—will you promise to spend the most time with me?

Summary:

If you haven’t heard about this game yet… do you even Internet, bro?  For the past few weeks the internet, and horror fans especially, have been blowing up about this new super adorable-looking visual novel called ‘Doki Doki Literature Club’, DDLC, for short.  From the very cutesy visual novel-esque art style, featuring four S Tier waifus, and the bouncy, happy-go-lucky piano music constantly playing in the background, DDLC looks like your average dating sim trash VN.  (Not that I don’t play VNs, but don’t lie to me, you know most of them are trash and that’s why you play them)

Now, originally, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to review this because, frankly, just having it on a horror review blog gives away its actual genre.  But, again, if you’re on the internet right now, you’ve probably already heard this game has a twist.  It’s probably what led you to look into it in the first place.  It’s what drew me in, that’s for damn sure.  Deceptive horror is the best kind.  But, you can also only get so far with that deception considering, on top of everyone already talking about it, the ‘psychological horror’ tag is right there on the steam page.  Not to mention, the game literally starts out with a warning and disclaimer.

You already know something’s going down.

That said, just knowing its horror does not prepare you for the true intentions behind this conniving, brilliant game.  On top of all that, this felt like the perfect game to round the year out with, especially considering some changes I’ll be making to the blog starting next year.  Which I’ll talk about in another post.

But back to the game:

The first couple days of the VN start off pretty basic, as well.  You’ve got your girl next door, your tsundere, your overly shy bouncing boobs, and, of course, the star athlete, student president that everyone loves and adores.  You join end up joining an after school club, dragged along by your girl-next-door long-time best friend, selling your soul for promises of cupcakes.  You meet the rest of the girls, take a backseat to some shenanigans, and then go home to write a poem for your chosen waifu.  

This continues for a couple days.  Pick a girl, write her a poem, spend the club activity time with her, and eventually spend the weekend with her preparing for the festival.

This is actually hella clever.

Nothing out of the ordinary. A couple dark hints here and there but you just think, “oh, it’s going to cover some real life issues under the guise of a cute game.  Not bad,” and it compels you to play more.  Find out more.  Focus on one girl more.

But then the weekend comes around… and Sayori drops some heavy shit.

But even then, you’re still like “oh, okay, this game is getting a bit real but it’s still not bad.”  And you spend your weekend with your chosen girl.  More minor hints… and then a visit from Sayori.

That’s when it starts.

Something is clearly wrong.

And what did Monika say to her, exactly?

But the festival is coming up and you’re reading to get it over with and spend the entire day making sure Sayori knows she’s loved.  You’re going to make sure she stays out of her head and you’re going to help her through her depression from here on out.  Everything will be fine.

Then suddenlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy………

She’s not at school the next day.  Monika’s being extra creepy.  And that poem.

You need to go check up on her.  You should have waited.  After everything she told you, you should have waited for her that morning.  You left her hanging, after all.

And that’s where it all goes wrong.

You done fucked up…

And now you need to pay your revelution

Now is when the true brilliance of this game begins.  In a very ‘Eternal Darkness’-like way, DDLC and Team Salvato take full advantage of the fact that video games can do what no other platform can.  PC games, especially.  The game takes advantage of visual ‘glitches’, the ability to manipulate file directories, and completely messes with your basic video game habits, such as relying on save files.

Screens change, text glitches out, broken images fill an entire screen, entire character files are completely deleted from the game.  The fourth wall is so shattered and obliterated in this game it barely existed in the first place.  The best part, though, is that everything was right there in front of you the entire time.  Everything about the girls’ lives, and Monika’s awareness, was right there… in the poems.  In the dialogue.  In the background.

So subtle.  And yet, screaming so loud.

Then there are the subtle changes and differences between each play through.   Depending on how you write the poems, who you spend your time with, how you react to certain decisions… and even whether you’re recording or not, on top of just some straight up RNG moments (such as the warning when you start up the game.  In case anyone was wondering, I managed to get that one in a million “easily dismembered” warning.  Yay me), the game changes and alters ever-so-slightly… or sometimes really obviously.  Sometimes a face glitches out.  Sometimes a glitched out Sayori bow appears.  Sometimes Natsuki breaks her damn neck.  You just never know what’s going to happen!

But no matter what… you’re spending a weekend with a talking, subtly decaying corpse.  My favorite kind of weekends, personally. (Props to the subtle decay, by the way.)

My only minor complaint is that the game forces you into a Yuri-focused route the second time around.  Personally, I was into Yuri, anyway, and focused on her just naturally, but the fact that there’s no real option to focus on Natsuki (because she literally just breaks her own neck if you try) was a little disappointing.  You still get plenty of shenanigans involving Natsuki, but not nearly as many as Yuri.  But, I can’t imagine the amount of time and coding that already went into this game, especially since it’s FREE, so I’m not going to fault the developers much for that.  Especially since that’s literally my only complaint for this entire game.

Yuri: A.K.A. Crazy-Eyes bein' cute as shit

All in all, this game is amazing, fucking terrifying, and goddamn brilliantly constructed.  It is one of the most creative games I’ve seen since Undertale and I hope to god that Team Salvato make more and continue pushing gaming boundaries.  I have never closed a game faster from downright terror than I did several times during this one.  It really raised the bar for what horror games should be striving for and it’s going to be pretty hard to beat.

Have a nice weekend.

delete her

Quick Review - Spiders 3D

Quick Review - Spiders 3D (2013) 

Rating: Forgettable

Themes/Genres:    Sci-Fi/Horror, Spiders

Main Characters:   Jason, Rachel

Director/Writer/Publisher: Tibor Takács/Joseph Farruggia/Millennium Films

Summary:

After a Soviet space station crashes into a New York City subway tunnel, a species of venomous spiders is discovered, and soon they mutate to gigantic proportions and wreak havoc on the city.

Review:

You know you're in for an excessively in-your-face time as soon as you see the words '3D' in the title of a movie.  As soon as the 3D technology got popular everyone had to release or re-release something in EYE-POPPING THREEE-DEEE!!!  Even when it was vastly unnecessary and, honestly, usually made the movie worse rather than improving it, especially considering they usually focused way too heavily on making things pop out at you rather than... subtly taking advantage of the ability to do so.  Final Destination, Saw, and My Bloody Valentine are all prime examples of how to not do 3D movies.

That said, I actually have to commend Spiders 3D... for being one of those rare 3D movies that you can actually watch normally without rolling your eyes every other scene because shit's popping out at the screen pointlessly.  There are only a couple of really obvious scenes made for eye-popping but overall, it looks like a normal damn movie.  So kudos on that level, movie.  You get that brownie.

However.

There was still plenty wrong to make up for that.  It wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, of course, it wasn't infuriatingly bad, which is frankly surprising considering spiders were involved and the movie gets a lot wrong about them.  Right down to calling them insects (they're not, they're arachnids, not the same thing).

To steal a quote from my BF about it:

"My favorite part of the movie was when the male spiders laid the egg for their queen, so that their insectile forms could infect people by biting them with their many rows of teeth, which couldn't be killed by machine-guns and rocket-launchers but were easily susceptible to a forklift and a subway train.."

Basically a summation of everything wrong with the movie in a paragraph.  First off, males can't lay eggs?  That's not how biology for literally anything works.  In the movie it is a major (unnecessarily complicated) plot point that there's only one female egg and all the rest of the spiders are male.  That are infecting people by biting them.  And laying eggs in them.  The male spiders.

Which brings me to the next point... that's not how spiders work.  Spiders aren't bees or ants, they don't do the whole 'Queen' thing.  Spiders are solo creatures.  They don't do packs, they don't do queens, they barely even tolerate each other's' presences.  There are exceptions, of course, such as the cellar spider.  The reason they can get out of hand so quickly is because they're one of the few breeds that actually don't mind being around other spiders so they multiply and cover your basement in webs far quicker.  There are also a few (mostly tropical) species that live in actual communities, but it still isn't a queen-situation.  It's just a bunch of spiders agreeing not to eat each other.  Most of the time.

My point is, spiders aren't bees or ants.  Female spiders, while they do tend to rule the spider kingdom with their larger sizes and abilities to actually spin a web (males can't), don't really do the Queen thing.  They certainly don't rely on male spiders for anything, especially food.

Moving on, before this turns into an essay about spiders, the way the movie decides these giant spiders can be killed is super inconsistent.  One is killed by getting rammed into a pile of palettes with a forklift... while others are being shot repeatedly with machine guns and shrugging it off.  You can't do both, movie.  The giant Queen Spider literally ignores being shot several times with rocket launchers... but is ultimately killed by a train explosion.

That is legitimately the ugliest spider I've ever seen...

Main Character Plot Armor vs Main Villain Plot Armor.

Main Character Plot Armor holding strong in this movie.

So strong.

You know what wasn't very strong in this movie, though?  Main Human Villain forethought.  When they first discover the spiders (and are apparently working with the Russian scientists who created them?  That shit's never explained) whatever government power is in charge creates a drastically unnecessary amount of lies and ruses to cover up what's actually going on.  They start all this nonsense about a virus outbreak and start actively attacking the two main characters with the Queen egg instead of just.... going in and asking for it?  And quarantining their daughter?  Like there's an actual virus when BOTH of the main characters AND the scientists are fully aware there's no virus.

This guy right here?  This guy's an idiot.

They go so far out of their way to keep up this virus ruse that it actually just makes things worse.  If they had just asked for the eggs in the first place saying "hey, lemme have this shit inspected" they stage a car theft.  You're just making yourself look so much more suspicious and pissing the main characters off enough to thwart whatever evil plan you have that way.  Not that any of it really mattered in the end.  The Queen breaks free of the underground, walks down the street fucking some cars up, and then goes right back underground to be killed by a train.

Honestly, having the government agency be part of problem just created unnecessary conflict that the movie probably would have done better without.  The conflict should be the giant spiders, not some random military head who makes really stupidly pointless decisions that amount to nothing.  Frankly, the spiders barely even felt like the main conflict.  Even when the massive Queen Spider finally appears she just stabs the scientist, squishes the babysitter.... and goes back underground like "nah fuck this shit, I'm a spider, I like dark quiet places."

Also, there was some sort of alien DNA involved?  Also meant nothing in the long run.  What was the alien race?  Why did they crash in the mountains?  Where are they now?  Are they all dead?  Why were the spiders the best hosts for the DNA?  Why did they lay eggs when they bit people?  Why was the American military working with the Russian scientists?  Why did the spiders sound like guinea pigs half the time and compressed Godzillas the other half the time?  (spiders don't squeal or roar, by the way, movie.  They chitter at best)

WHO KNOWS?!

I sure as hell don't.

All-in-all... not a terrible movie... but I'm probably going to forget I even watched it in a few months. The spiders were kinda ugly, they missed a prime opportunity to show spider kitty paws, and there was actually really minimal destruction caused by the spiders, themselves.  They mostly just killed some subway rats, some homeless people, and some army guys.  In fact, the only ones who even destroyed any buildings were the army guys shooting a rocket at the spider... that missed.  And blew up a store, instead.  Good shot, guys.

Seriously, look at those tiny adorable little kitty paws.  Imagine if they were big enough to see.  Missed opportunity.<3 td="">

So, if you want a movie that just makes you question "but... why?" the entire time, give this one a watch.  (Seriously, my notes are full of that), otherwise... just go watch Eight-Legged Freaks... or Ice Spiders.  I don't actually remember most of Ice Spiders but I know the spiders were massive and a bunch of actual real breeds.  So that's a thing.  Anyway, that's my way longer than it was meant to be view on 'Spiders 3D'!

Halloween Decorations Ideas

Halloween Decorations

Last year for Halloween I made up a list of things to do for Halloween night, whether you’re spending it alone, with friends, or even planning a party.  This year, I figured I’d continue the list with some of my personal favorite decorations, perfect for whatever you’re planning to do this year!  Can’t have a perfect Halloween season without some proper spooky atmosphere in your home!  So if you’re looking for some horror-fan-approved decorations, look no further!

(I realize this list is coming out a bit late and may not be the most useful now but... ideas for next year, I guess?)

Bought Decorations

I’ll start off with some of my store-bought favorites, for when you’d rather spend more time decorating than making the decorations but still want a good-looking, questionably haunted home:

• In My Veins Blood Dispenser: Because who wants to use a boring old punch bowl when you can use an IV drip?!
• Fridge Door Cover: I mean, you keep severed heads in your fridge too…. Right?
• Spider Webs: A basic, but a necessity.  Don’t forget the giant, fluffy spiders!  You can find both at just about any store during the season, too. (I quite like the blood-splattered webs)
• Caution Tape: Wrap around your door, across the walls, and definitely around door frames!  Can also be found at a lot of places around the season.
• Fog Machine: Always a great touch for additional outside spookiness and easy to find at a local Walmart.  Fog machine and strobe light combo is too OP.

Homemade Decorations

Sometimes store-bought decorations just don’t quite do the trick (or are WAY too expensive) and you need, or want, to get a bit craftier with your decorations.  Sometimes it’s more fun to make your own, personal spooks.  Here are some of my favorites from around the internet:

• Candy Bowl Holder: When you need your candy bowl to match the rest of your décor!  This is a neat idea to both decorate and keep your candy in an easy to reach spot.
• Halloween Bouquet: These would look rad any time of year but they’re especially fitting for the Halloween season.
• Cardboard Tombstones: A bit of a bigger project to tackle, but looks like a lot of fun to make and a great alternative to the impersonal store-bought option

Of course, every good Halloween season needs fitting music so here are some of my favorite songs from my own Halloween Playlist.  A lot of these artists have a ton of damn good Halloween or Spook-themed music so I suggest taking a look through the rest of their works, as well, if you need more:

• Left Behind
• Painted Smile
• Dead Silence (Dubstep Remix)
• Welcome to Freddy’s
• Haunted
• Spooky Scary Skeletons (Remix)
• Pokemon Tower Remix
• Creepy Doll

Hope you found something useful and, as always, I wish you all a

Happy, Spooky Halloween!

Uzumaki Review

Uzumaki

Rating: Instant Fav

Themes/Genres:   Horror, Supernatural, Spirals

Main Characters:   Kirie Goshima, Shuichi Saito

Developer/Publisher/Writer/Artist/etc: Junji Ito; Big Comic Spirits/Viz Media

Overview:

There are horror ‘well knowns’ and there are horror ‘dear god never touch this genre again’, but then every once in a while, once every blue moon, we get the rare horror ‘holy shit give me more now’.  Japan has produced a lot of really great horror over the years and the most infamous horror artist among them… is Junji Ito.  His style is unique and disturbing and his storytelling is top tier.  If you’re ever on the hunt for the best of the best of horror manga, look no further than anything done by Junji Ito.  Anything he touches is guaranteed ultra-creepiness.  Imagine if he’d helped work on something equally notorious for its spooks in another genre… like say… a Silent Hill game.  *coughcough*FuckYouKonami*coughcough*.

But one of the most well-known pieces is the three-arc story of Uzumaki.  It’s most people’s first introduction to Junji Ito’s work, even when they don’t know the artist, most people recognize the artwork, and it’s one I’ve read several times over and absolutely adore.

One of the most widely recognized panels in the series

Summary:

Kurozuchou is a town cursed by the Spiral, manifesting in everything around it from the shape of the grass to whirlwinds to little whirlpools in streams.  While only Shuichi is able to notice because he goes to school in a different town and started noticing how abnormal his hometown was compared to others, the entire town is soon sucked into the curse.  Starting in small manifestations with odd behaviors, including Shuichi's own father, the town's curse quickly escalates until escape is impossible.

Characters:

Kirie and Shuichi are both decently likeable characters with relatively realistic reactions to all the strange events going on in their town.   There's a certain uniqueness to Ito characters that both captures basic human simplicity in a strange world, but also have a subtle strangeness, themselves.  Their very human reactions to the strange events around them drastically contrast the off-putting nature of the story and while the characters are believably every day in nature, they also have just that slight bit of off-ness that gives it a distinctly Ito-y feel to them.

Shuichi and Kirie: the main focuses of the story

Plot:

While the concept is entirely supernatural, the writing pulls you in enough that, instead of questioning the likelihood of the story actually happening, you instead focus on the events within the story and the character reactions.  While it's outlandish and unbelievable, it keeps the characters, themselves, grounded in enough reality to keep the focus on the story.  The human element is human enough that the supernatural element doesn't need to be questioned.  The story is masterfully paced in order to create the perfect amount of suspense and tension without making any of its more self-contained stories over-long.

Art Style:

Junji Ito has one of the most recognizably 'him' art styles in manga.  The monster designs are outrageously creepy and off putting while the human characters look relatively normal in comparison.  The art is detailed and expressive, each person looks unique, and the backgrounds are beautiful in the creepiest ways.  He obviously puts a lot of thought into the world around the characters and it shows up in every detail.  The imagery from Uzumaki is just mind-blowing and inspirational in its concepts.

A melted bulb in a lighthouse... that still emits a dangerous, swirling light

Ending:

In the weirdest way possible, it's both extremely unexpected… but also gives you the proper 'holy shit wtf' feeling that good horror should.  It ties up its ends but also has such an insane conclusion to it all that it leaves you plenty to think about.  It builds up and builds up and even though you’re fully expecting shit to go down, you can never guess what the answer actually is.  It’s a perfect ending with just the right kind of buildup to it.

Final Thoughts:

I fucking love this manga.  It's creepy, it's outlandish and unexpected, and it’s such a unique experience that deserves all the praise it gets.  Junji Ito is extremely well-known for his horror over in Japan and I can see exactly why, his work is brilliant and I'm glad I was able to read these books.  It makes me want to hunt down more of his work, for sure.  I’ve since tracked down a couple more of his mangas, Tomie and Mimi’s Ghost Stories and while I haven’t finished Ghost Stories yet, I loved Tomie as much as I loved Uzumaki.  Ito’s work is amazing and I adore everything I’ve seen from him so far.  I couldn’t recommend his work enough.

(Side Note: I highly suggest picking up the actual manga for Uzumaki, if you can, because the end of book additions are hilarious)